I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
