You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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