My sheets look like a crime scene.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
