hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
