You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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