3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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