FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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