i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
