It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
