Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
