hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
