he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
