I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
