If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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