did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
