You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
