Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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