I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
