NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
