Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
