so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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