it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
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Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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