I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Farmville is her only friend.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Are these your boobs on my camera?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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