There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
