Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
