i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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