his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
