apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
