over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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