She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
