it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
