i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
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after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
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I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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