Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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