I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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