We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
