If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
