Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
