but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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