I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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