Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
