I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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