I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
