I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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