Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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