Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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