guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
