It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
