just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
