im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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