You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
