I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
