After last night, I could never be a politician.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
