I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
