I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
