There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
