Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
