Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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