Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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