Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
