Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
