If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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