We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
50% drunk capacity currently
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
