He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
