so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
