Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
