Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
And then he peed in my hair
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