Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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